As of late, there has been much disturbances in my personal life that I wished all of it will just jump down and commit suicide or something.
So anyways, been feeling under the weather lately. Funny thing is that I've started to have this stupid recollections as when I felt as if I was back in tekong. hahaha. Weirded out.
Chi New Year in a few weeks time. Just felt like saying it cos its nothing special according to a few friends of mine.
Also, I've been wanting to go JB like for fun. Ever since I made the new passport like so excited like that. But other than food and fashion, I dont think there's much to do there as well.
Been having these late afternoon naps thats just irritating, cos everytime its like late evening I feel so damn lethargic that I Always need a distraction to cope with the stupid feeling of falling asleep.
I dont know what to feel anymore. Numb, pain, heartache. Well whatever it is, I'm gonna get over it and kick ass.
Sunday, January 31
Wednesday, January 27
I've done it again.
I'm a coward. Just afraid of everything.
I hide behind you.
But still I follow you closely.
I am your shadow.
Monday, January 25
Sunday, January 24
Study
Been studying and it creeps me out now that I have no life.
Glad I've resolved myself to be as disassociate as i can towards the general populace.
Anyways, got myself a pair of berms and a polo tee. Thanks to dad.
Went around walking aimlessly, again, in search for handphones and yea, a bit of shopping.
Convincing myself that everything is gonna be okay.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Just gotta hang on and get through with it huh.
Glad I've resolved myself to be as disassociate as i can towards the general populace.
Anyways, got myself a pair of berms and a polo tee. Thanks to dad.
Went around walking aimlessly, again, in search for handphones and yea, a bit of shopping.
Convincing myself that everything is gonna be okay.
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
Just gotta hang on and get through with it huh.
Friday, January 22
Use Somebody
I've been roaming around always looking down at all I see.
Its true, its something I've been doing from the day I start my so-called life after the accident. Nothing doing, been always feeling I'm on borrowed time. Was not very optimistic. Started to grow very pessimistic and then some. I've viewed the world differently since then. Been going with the flow.
Painted faces fill the faces I can't reach.
Lies, Lies upon all the lies I built up over the years. I can't configure how deep this web weaves itself. Always this mask on.
You know that I could use somebody.
Yes, somebody is always there but not all that I can talk to.
Someone like you.
Then you appeared and that changed things. Little, but I don't know whether to regret or just revel in this, I might say "happiness" but for all I know its just me you see.
Off in the night while you live it up while I'm off to sleep.
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat.
Self explanatory, 'nuff said. I'm just jaded. I'm always in doubt and frankly, it used to worry me, but now. Now its just a different story.
I hope it's gonna make you notice
somebody like me.
Like seriously how? Tell me. I'm out of ideas and I'm running dry.
Just afraid I'll be indifferent. Check the word out. And what's its opposite.
Not gonna talk nor will I do anything to start, with your ego and everything that makes you, you.
Just tired really tired.
-Courtesy of Kings of Leon - Use Somebody.
Its true, its something I've been doing from the day I start my so-called life after the accident. Nothing doing, been always feeling I'm on borrowed time. Was not very optimistic. Started to grow very pessimistic and then some. I've viewed the world differently since then. Been going with the flow.
Painted faces fill the faces I can't reach.
Lies, Lies upon all the lies I built up over the years. I can't configure how deep this web weaves itself. Always this mask on.
You know that I could use somebody.
Yes, somebody is always there but not all that I can talk to.
Someone like you.
Then you appeared and that changed things. Little, but I don't know whether to regret or just revel in this, I might say "happiness" but for all I know its just me you see.
Off in the night while you live it up while I'm off to sleep.
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat.
Self explanatory, 'nuff said. I'm just jaded. I'm always in doubt and frankly, it used to worry me, but now. Now its just a different story.
I hope it's gonna make you notice
somebody like me.
Like seriously how? Tell me. I'm out of ideas and I'm running dry.
Just afraid I'll be indifferent. Check the word out. And what's its opposite.
Not gonna talk nor will I do anything to start, with your ego and everything that makes you, you.
Just tired really tired.
-Courtesy of Kings of Leon - Use Somebody.
Monday, January 18
cleaning my room part deux
Sometimes, I feel that what I'm working towards just dont justify by what conditions I am in right now. Amidst the constant flow of change and sometimes confusion, I shall for a moment take a breather and reflect.
Sunday, today, or probably yesterday by the time I get this published.. Was spent on cleaning the room and getting mom's help with it. Felt really good about it but as time goes by, interest wanes.
Otherwise its just another day with the maternals coming over and socialising. Meaning to say the lil one was there. Getting along better now, I mean, I practically see her growing up and it feels just great that she's getting along well with other people. But according to her mom, she's still very much attached to her and that she cries all the time. Heh, the pains of growing up huh?
Actually,I was supposed to go swimming today but due to various circumstances, it didnt happen and after all the initial agitation, I calmed down and did what I was told to do and after completing it the sense of its completion had me feeling a tad better.
On another note, this "Student" thingy, this label, this glue on me is starting to grow on. I mean after learning from Dom for the various perks it has as well as all the cons it come with.
Been out and the burnout is starting to get to me. Not a good sign as mentioned in earlier posts.
Been too preoccupied with things that I believe dont mean much at the moment but they are still feelings nonetheless.
As of the moment, being self centered is not how it should be but I believe in self preservation and that I'm still not open to various ideas.
Being straightfoward has always been my forte, I don't mince around with words and sometimes words can bring up or just bring the person down to the lowest point. But I practice tact and that, with experience and knowledge to keep my mouth shut and just observe sometimes is for the better.
Lastly, feelings are nothing more than feelings. Im feeling that we are drifting and I know its intentional. I leave it that way and see that I wont get hurt. Games are something I don't really understand but I always ask myself whether its worth the effort.
I am but a person born with nothing to lose and everything to gain.
The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated. -Oscar Wilde.
Sunday, today, or probably yesterday by the time I get this published.. Was spent on cleaning the room and getting mom's help with it. Felt really good about it but as time goes by, interest wanes.
Otherwise its just another day with the maternals coming over and socialising. Meaning to say the lil one was there. Getting along better now, I mean, I practically see her growing up and it feels just great that she's getting along well with other people. But according to her mom, she's still very much attached to her and that she cries all the time. Heh, the pains of growing up huh?
Actually,I was supposed to go swimming today but due to various circumstances, it didnt happen and after all the initial agitation, I calmed down and did what I was told to do and after completing it the sense of its completion had me feeling a tad better.
On another note, this "Student" thingy, this label, this glue on me is starting to grow on. I mean after learning from Dom for the various perks it has as well as all the cons it come with.
Been out and the burnout is starting to get to me. Not a good sign as mentioned in earlier posts.
Been too preoccupied with things that I believe dont mean much at the moment but they are still feelings nonetheless.
As of the moment, being self centered is not how it should be but I believe in self preservation and that I'm still not open to various ideas.
Being straightfoward has always been my forte, I don't mince around with words and sometimes words can bring up or just bring the person down to the lowest point. But I practice tact and that, with experience and knowledge to keep my mouth shut and just observe sometimes is for the better.
Lastly, feelings are nothing more than feelings. Im feeling that we are drifting and I know its intentional. I leave it that way and see that I wont get hurt. Games are something I don't really understand but I always ask myself whether its worth the effort.
I am but a person born with nothing to lose and everything to gain.
The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated. -Oscar Wilde.
Thursday, January 7
New establishment
School has started. Everything's new. I have officially start the "no life" section of my life.
been revising work daily. Tiring but worth it. Being in a new territory does have its weaknesses. I need to exploit it and then make do with what I have.
I'm lucky that I have 2 good friends to be in the same place as I am and it just pleases me that we click well.
I'm looking forward to work with more people though.
I'm physically trying hard to adapt to this.
If its taking its toll, I'll be sure to push on forward. My goals are what I have to work towards to.
No more games, no more jokes.
Serious business. I guess.
been revising work daily. Tiring but worth it. Being in a new territory does have its weaknesses. I need to exploit it and then make do with what I have.
I'm lucky that I have 2 good friends to be in the same place as I am and it just pleases me that we click well.
I'm looking forward to work with more people though.
I'm physically trying hard to adapt to this.
If its taking its toll, I'll be sure to push on forward. My goals are what I have to work towards to.
No more games, no more jokes.
Serious business. I guess.
Sunday, January 3
it takes 2 floors to make a storey.
Came back from KL and yeap, KL was fun as expected. New year celebration there was da shit.
So, what else have I missed in Singapore. Schools' starting on the 5th. I gotta get prepared. Cos I'm never prepared.
So, what else have I missed in Singapore. Schools' starting on the 5th. I gotta get prepared. Cos I'm never prepared.
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